shut up


Being a mom is tough work.

Especially in the whole social media age where it never ceases to amaze me the stupid shit people say on the internet.  We’ve become bossy, insensitive, and completely lost our ability to listen (that’s where you don’t talk you HEAR what the other person is saying).

Maybe now that I have a kid my nerves are shot, or my patience are lower; not sure. Either way I’m quickly becoming disinterested in the advice and anecdotes from random people I meet.

I understand that many folks who give advice mean well.  I don’t mean to be so snarky to them…it’s just my nature.

In my extensive research I’ve found the worst offenders to be…

The “Just wait till you have 2 kids (or 3 kids or 4 kids)” mom.

Like what I am going through can’t possibly be that bad because I only have one kid.  

Shut up.

The “What’s your excuse” mom.

Oh, you have 3 kids, a thigh gap and a 6 pack? Good for you. I mean seriously…good for you for working that hard. But please don’t shame the rest of us moms who might not have that. We work hard too, and our genetics are different than yours so maybe it doesn’t come as naturally or easily.

Shut up.

The “I sleep through the night” dad.

Oh, you don’t get up with your wife to help with the baby in the middle of the night.

Fuck you.  

Shut up.

The “You’re going to miss this” grandma.

I know, I know.  My kids are going to grow up and I will look back on this time with a glistening tear in my eye and be envious of pregnant moms around me.  

But a moment ago my baby took her diaper off and spread shit across her wall, so I can’t even handle you.

Shut up.

The “I’ll never do that” non-parent.

Yes, Miss 20-something skinny bitch who gets to grocery shop alone, sleep through the night, and doesn’t clean shit off someone’s ass on the daily, tell me more about how you will teach your children Spanish by 1, how they will never freak out in church, and I definitely want to know more about your plans to never feed them mac & cheese.

Shut up.

Tell me moms…what did I miss?